home-y feeling lures

there's an inviting window there

a thin line defines the boundaries between sanity and the addition of 'in' in the beginning of the word. most people probably see the word insanity as a negative term; but wouldn't it be equivalent to 'in sanity' as well? for about four days i was able to meet those who are 'in sanity', or if i may be allowed to call them the 'more than sane than the sane'.

we cannot define their world, for they themselves cannot define it. but their world defines them. they live in it, they wake up each day and journey in it. in my subconscious mind, i admit that i want to travel their road too (who would want to join me?).

when i first stepped in Sanctuary, i was thinking that eveybody was acting well. "we're crazy, we're schizophrenics, and we're acting", that was what repeated on my mind. what i see mostly in tv programs laid right before my eyes. but this time, no film strips are rolling and they aren't running for best actresses. everybody was diagnosed, everybody is defined by science to be out of the 'normal' interval.

who would want to live there? i am but happy to raise my hand for this question. because roaming around would satisfy my being. i would be glad to dive into the minds of the "in sanity" humans. i would want to listen to their stories and believe they'll one day have their gate passes, salute the guards and ride their way back home. but that is one of the sad reality for the Sanctuary's transients. they choose to convert themselves to residents because no home awaits their return. i, myself, do not know how i would be able to run them help. probably my most helpful tool would be to listen. (therapeutic intervention involves silence)...

so how do i classify myself?

a schizophrenic, to have a voice-friend?

a dysthymic, to not receive rants because of excessive hours of sleep?

a bipolar, as to not give explanations for unpredictable mood swings?

or most probably,

just let me feel as humane as them..

there's an inviting window there..

where i saw myself gardening in their yard

where i saw myself roaming

where i saw myself looking through during afternoons

but still. can't reach that place.

for i still belong to the 'sane' ones.

compromising what conforms