can i bend time for just 3 weeks? **desperate**

i am but in the middle. of everything. really

well actually, not everything. just the things i am currently attending to.

i am at episode 20 of heroes season 1. so even until heroes i'm reading subtitles while hearing nihonggo (japan, would you mind slipping away from my side for a while?). so, this series is addictive. and aside from the fact that i love hiro (being japanese aside). for the record, this is the only series that made me have goosebumps for nth times...

hiro: i scared of me.
(me: wahahahahahaha)
hiro: hey future me, ..... ..... ....
(me: haahaha sugoi...)

so hiro never fails to make me rofl.

and currently, his time travels make me want to stick to this series till the season ender. just 3 more episodes to go.

***
and aside from heroes, i'm in page 160+ of love, stargirl. yes, i am finally reading it. but i miss leo.. i am a big stargirl-leo shipper still. but we'd still have to wait and look for that same line after i've finished reading.

***
and then, i'm continuing on hana kimi. oh oguri. oh oguri. oh oguri. i'm still in episode four, but oh how i love sano (but ofcourse), nakatsu (a real rofl) and NANBA. crap, i love nanba. nanba makes me gigglessssss.. (haha. ramon bautista is that you?)

and hana kimi is all boys. ALL BOYS.(well except for the pretender) which makes it double the fun!!

***
so this is why i'm in the middle of everything . almost everything.

i have one week left. (minus 2 nights.) woah. this is a big pain.


AND ..

LAST 4 DAYS BEFORE RYO'S BIRTHDAY.

i stole thursday

(-from i'm a cyborg, but that's OK)

yes, why should i define you?

probably because i wanted to categorize your existence. because we all slipped from each other one time, if you could still remember. and from there, i want to plot you. but too impossible. and so where do i begin? yeah. if i couldn't plot myself, then how can i plot you? i m point 1 over 0.

but i don't know. i am parellel blank. i don't know how i can live up to the webster's definition of friend for you guys. i am not good with words and i offer no great advice. i am mute in your company. reasons would most probably be because (1) you have sucked out all my words to speak; (2) i am simply born with no magical words to offer; (3) i know your cerebrum works inside your cranium; and (4) i don't give a damn.

forgive me if i have been so nonsense. which makes me feel sad as well. because you perceive me as one. yes, i am locked up to your minds just as a listener. nothing more to expect. i am trying to be a person with words to quote, but everybody guessed right: i am no good. this is probably one factor why i am no good with extravagant statements. because i am trying hard, trying hard and yet i am still categorized as "it's okay, what's important is that you listened." so who the hell would take into consideration the words i say? why the f*ck would anyone care about my opinion? i am a listener. just one.

and now it's all turned up side down. this is a window of my selfishness. i am still point blank. i do not know which route to take. would i persuade you to turn your back at what you're doing or should i just support you? i am unsteady.

so if you'd want to put me into words, take unsteady & selfish as top choice.

but who would care anyway. all i am is an ear.

cocoa for lowering blood pressure... i am pressured.

f*ck f*ck. f*ck.

utaban is mucho love. eito is an ocean of love. and need i say more about..

ryo?

just extreme love. i swear. the guy never fails. will never ever fail.

and instantly i am a AGAIN a dedicated ryo fangirl. no effort.

i am forever a ryo nishikido fangirl.

crap ryo, you make me wanna quit school and be a bum-illegal alien in japan.

if you can just hear me.. please, it becomes so hard to handle at times.. please don't pour down upon my senses all at the same time...

i am pulling my hair. next is i'm diagnosing my self a schizophrenic.



oh please.

i was thinking of quiting on you. but i can't. I JUST CAN'T.


BECAUSE YOU..

YOU HAVE THE POWER OF PULLING BACK YOUR WEARY FANGIRL.

I DON'T KNOW HOW. BUT YOU JUST APPEAR AT THE RIGHT MOMENT.

CRAP. I AM SO INTO NISHIKIDO RYO.

**utaban 20071018. vendy's blog. kanjani8 lj community**

I AM SO DEAD.

home-y feeling lures

there's an inviting window there

a thin line defines the boundaries between sanity and the addition of 'in' in the beginning of the word. most people probably see the word insanity as a negative term; but wouldn't it be equivalent to 'in sanity' as well? for about four days i was able to meet those who are 'in sanity', or if i may be allowed to call them the 'more than sane than the sane'.

we cannot define their world, for they themselves cannot define it. but their world defines them. they live in it, they wake up each day and journey in it. in my subconscious mind, i admit that i want to travel their road too (who would want to join me?).

when i first stepped in Sanctuary, i was thinking that eveybody was acting well. "we're crazy, we're schizophrenics, and we're acting", that was what repeated on my mind. what i see mostly in tv programs laid right before my eyes. but this time, no film strips are rolling and they aren't running for best actresses. everybody was diagnosed, everybody is defined by science to be out of the 'normal' interval.

who would want to live there? i am but happy to raise my hand for this question. because roaming around would satisfy my being. i would be glad to dive into the minds of the "in sanity" humans. i would want to listen to their stories and believe they'll one day have their gate passes, salute the guards and ride their way back home. but that is one of the sad reality for the Sanctuary's transients. they choose to convert themselves to residents because no home awaits their return. i, myself, do not know how i would be able to run them help. probably my most helpful tool would be to listen. (therapeutic intervention involves silence)...

so how do i classify myself?

a schizophrenic, to have a voice-friend?

a dysthymic, to not receive rants because of excessive hours of sleep?

a bipolar, as to not give explanations for unpredictable mood swings?

or most probably,

just let me feel as humane as them..

there's an inviting window there..

where i saw myself gardening in their yard

where i saw myself roaming

where i saw myself looking through during afternoons

but still. can't reach that place.

for i still belong to the 'sane' ones.

compromising what conforms

pronounce it, this way: gasambayd

yattaaaaaaa!!!

i've passed our revised research proposal just hours ago and now i'm off for sembreak.. wooohhooooo!! (sa wakas!!)

i don't recognize anyone from my fandom anymore. please pull me back into being human again...

i have about two weeks of rest. i'm crossing my fingers that it would be worthwhile.

i have to save, to download, to upload, to read.. and i know two weeks would not be enough.. but i'm hoping to finish some things.

for now, i'm just happy that i'm still surviving acad works and excited into coming back to my fangirling.

yay!!

i won't go for the ipod. i'd go for you. (ehem)

whew.

i am down to the last research defense before the end of this semester (except for grade slip distribution though). then, i've got my last semester after this. but a few more major exams coming up. i am still hoping i'd get my degree without problems (woah. that's degree i'm talking about. it's so big.) anyway, break is coming just 2 last days and ... ... ... i don't know.

when i opened this blog and saw the countdown to ryo's birthday, i went: "oh my god, it's so near, and i haven't prepared anything for his birthday." it's not that i am required into doing some presento for him. i just felt that i needed to exert effort and say to the world that "hey, i'm nishikido ryo's big fangirl!!" but time is not on my side.

i'm hoping i'd come up with something though.



and what is that ipod all about?
here.

today, i can submit my self to sanctuary. i will not refuse.

BaRyo chu-ing.

this is so damn ajfshuawehrufsjfha..

i don't know of how to react.

and i was left speechless for a minute. i'm not exaggerating. this is so....

you're exuding pink aura. awww

it's this guy's birthday today...

my dear toma, i'll be attending to hanakimi episodes soon.

(as soon as i get out of school crap. promise.)

and i do not doubt that you'll enter cbj after that.

tanjoubi omedetou, toma!!!!

matu slaps where she shouldn't

what has happen to this world?

god, i've been out talking with schizo and bipolars,
and then whatthef*ck has occured into junno?
why junno, why? why the hair?

but then, nihon jins are nihon jins.. never mind.
just like how nishikido changed from black to brown to blonde then black again..

you're goddamn unpredictable, people... (you're moving in line with kitagawa.)

but the guy, the guy..

NISHIKIDO!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAMETE KUDASAI...................

thanks to vendy's site for this pic.

no other words. just plain delicious.

***************************************
this semester is coming to an end. and still all works and requirements are piling up. just last 2 weeks. at least, this day, i'm one down for this semester's last tortures. i think i won't be blogging much the next days, just like this last week. and oh, God, help us!!

*************************************
because of my frustration from the previous NewS dvd that i ordered, i was not able to restrain my self not to click on the order link for their new album. so i'm starving myself again. johnny is bankrupting me. and what i hate the most is that i'm submitting to it. so why did i, crazily order this one again? becasue of the simple reason that i still have access to the LIMITED EDITION.

okay.. okay.. tie me up now and bring me to sanctuary center. then, blame kitagawa.

*************************************
can i just say i'm so envious with NewS in taiwan. hmph.

*************************************
wah. i hate it. i don't know when will be the time that i'd be able to finish dl-ing the scans from vendy. (***curses uni requirements..)

*************************************
there's also some stories i want to share from the sacntuary. but probably some otehr day..

*************************************
wait i think i now know the reason behind junno's hair. i think it's because of his dorama with yoko. i'm not sure though.

there's an inviting window there...

where was i?



i don't know either.









the pc's motherboard gave up. (and said: "too much japan, is crap..") whatever. you(motherboard) can't do anything, anyway.

so this is why i was out of the league for quite some time. and because i'm entangled in school crap.



i still have so many stuff to do. so i'm just elevating from here.



ja..