rundown of two emotions

hello earth!

i am nov.

and i'm currently floating due to flailing over hana yori dango final. i can't stop my brain cells from extracting too much hanadanF memories.

i have watched the movie everyday since i have downloaded it. why must it be like this?

this is exactly how i felt after i've finished rummaging over handan1 and after hanadan return was over.

exactly why?

i crave fro more domyouji-makino.

____________________________________________

hello earth.

i am nov.

and i've seen death with my very own eyes again. it's tormenting seeing relatives try hard to be composed when a loved one is being cpr-ed, intubated and flatlining in front of them. it's no drama, there are no cameras.

i talked to ojisan minutes prior to that. he was speaking with me saying 'it's so difficult. it's so difficult to breathe.' 30 minutes passing, no more. breathing was too exhausting for him.

ironically, 3 days prior to ojisan's demise, on the same bed were he stayed, W grew tired of breathing as well, and bade goodbye to earth. they had the same body position when i last saw them. and they both said the same words when i last spoke with them. 'it's difficult. very difficult to breathe.' but then it was the shift after us when W expired. though i will never ever forget the last words i heard from him: "i don't want it anymore, it's so hard to breathe. i feel like dying."

i know. this profession would involve more of this. more seeing death right before your eyes.
but i pray, i pray real hard that i would never encounter something like this again.
talking to someone one minute, and seeing them lifeless the next is laborous to heart.
too laborous.