wala.

parang ayoko ng magkaroon ng kaibigan. hehe
isa na itong burden.

parang pag nakisama ulit ako, i'll be listening to foreign language already.

so better yet, wag ng makipagmeet up.

obviously, they gave up on reaching out.

my fault, i admit.

i was too lazy and tired of listening to their personal life. puro storya din lang naman nila ang maririning. kasi uninterested din naman sila sa kung ano mang sasabihin ko.

so okay. i better partially and slowly close down the thought that i can still lean on them or tell stories to them or whatever lies between what friends should mutually do.

hay nako. sawang-sawa na ako sa mga rants na to sa kaibigan.

this is slowly and painfully becoming a BURDEN.

BURDEN.

rundown of two emotions

hello earth!

i am nov.

and i'm currently floating due to flailing over hana yori dango final. i can't stop my brain cells from extracting too much hanadanF memories.

i have watched the movie everyday since i have downloaded it. why must it be like this?

this is exactly how i felt after i've finished rummaging over handan1 and after hanadan return was over.

exactly why?

i crave fro more domyouji-makino.

____________________________________________

hello earth.

i am nov.

and i've seen death with my very own eyes again. it's tormenting seeing relatives try hard to be composed when a loved one is being cpr-ed, intubated and flatlining in front of them. it's no drama, there are no cameras.

i talked to ojisan minutes prior to that. he was speaking with me saying 'it's so difficult. it's so difficult to breathe.' 30 minutes passing, no more. breathing was too exhausting for him.

ironically, 3 days prior to ojisan's demise, on the same bed were he stayed, W grew tired of breathing as well, and bade goodbye to earth. they had the same body position when i last saw them. and they both said the same words when i last spoke with them. 'it's difficult. very difficult to breathe.' but then it was the shift after us when W expired. though i will never ever forget the last words i heard from him: "i don't want it anymore, it's so hard to breathe. i feel like dying."

i know. this profession would involve more of this. more seeing death right before your eyes.
but i pray, i pray real hard that i would never encounter something like this again.
talking to someone one minute, and seeing them lifeless the next is laborous to heart.
too laborous.

it's destiny therefore

the very first jdorama i finished watching was hana yori dango.
and just like how i fell in love with it in season 1 and season 2, i still feel the same way in the movie.
i just don't like the feeling of craving more of something and you know that it's really over.

i love hanadan. i love domyoujiXmakino. i love hanazawa rui and oguri shun. i love matsujun as tsukasa and inoue mao as makino tsukushi. i love the pair. i'll ship them till eternity. darn. i am so going to have a hang up feeling with this movie for some more time, i am pretty sure.

i want more hanadan episodes/movies.
more domyouji and tsukushi rabu.
moto. moto. moto.

ticket to brown

yellow jello mellow wellow helloooooo 2009!

just a few more days before my hospital training will be over. a part of me doesn't want it to end, but a larger part of me wants to just get it over with and live a bum life again to finish my drama list. i learned a lot and is still learning a loy more. i don't know if i've improved a lot though. there are still circumstances where i am such a nuisance. but i became familiar with the set-up and i managed to somehow see the real RN persona.

johnny's countdown was bland. i love last year's a whole lot better. a factor of which is because tackey was somewhere, kinkikids was in osaka, while everybody else were in tokyo. THEY WERE NOT TOGETHER IN ONE VENUE. WHICH IS A COMPLETE FAILURE.

and it made me realize, i do not know the names of senpais. except the very famous ones. i technically forget them again and again.

*i hope there'll be more ryo dramas please.
*i wish for another country-escape.
*i wish to afford more je goodies
*i wish i could finish watching all dramas i wanted to watch
*i will buy more brown clothing because it's a lucky color, and i'm soo loving it more and more
*i am hoping full swing that i'll be able to fix the broken fragments of my life. (uh, drama)

hoping for a great and healthy year for everyone!!